danielle gaat naar thuis!

Grandma....broke her fingers and has a sweet tie dyed cast 

Well well well.  I have Wednesdays off so when my family went away Wednesday-Sunday it gave me 5 days free!  I ended up going home, mostly so that I could go to the Portuguese Consulate and sign papers for my Portuguese nationality.  Being home was such a weird sensation.  The flight attendant sitting across from me on the Amsterdam-Philly flight told me the first thing I would notice was how different American airports are.  She couldn't have been more right.  I had never noticed it before but all the European airports I've been in are much quieter, slower, calmer and somehow way less crowded.  Philly was just a constant stream of voices and noise and people moving much faster.  It was nice to not be the only one speed walking to where I needed to go, even though I had 5 hours to kill.  Hearing English spoken all around me was also really weird.  I am so used to only hearing English with my friends and then all the conversations around me in Dutch. The first thing I did when I landed in Philly was go straight to the Dunkin Donuts for my favorite iced coffee.  Sadly, I am no longer capable of drinking sweet, but weak, American coffee.  It was good but after a few sips I thought I might throw up. Then when I was finally at Bradley I gave my mom the biggest hug ever.  She was laughing at me about acting like I have been living on another planet; even the license plates were funny to see again.

Meghan visiting from Jersey :) and Tara

From the airport I got to drive myself home!!!!  It felt so goooooood to drive in a car again!  I hadn't driven since before I left around August 16th or something.  I was really nervous that I wasn't going to remember how to drive or that at least my reactions would be slower but I didn't miss a beat.  First thing I did when I got home was hug my cat but she ran from me :(  I guess cats don't remember you when you've been gone for 9 months but eventually she warmed up to me.

Tara, Rob and Tan...lookin good 

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Trev and Tara: WE MADE IT

It was so nice to sleep in my big comfy bed again too.  I have really missed having a big bed with a bunch of pillows and blankets.  Pretty much as soon as I got home my friends started to come over.  First was Tara and then a bit later Jon came by.  We are some yummy stuffed peppers I had asked my mom to make for me.  Later Trev came to my house and we spent the night watching ICE HOCKEY (WOOOOO) and hanging out.  I was incredibly tired the entire time I was home since the time was 6 hours back.  So my body was used to it being midnight when it was only 6 pm.  And since I was only home for 5 days I needed to push through the tiredness so that I could actually do what I needed to do and see my friends.  I spent each night out with my friends, went hiking, shopping, saw my grandparents, out for sushi and out for mexican.  It was so nice to eat Mexican food that was actually spicy again!  Then of course hiking was great...I haven't seen a mountain since I left or really been on trails in the woods either.  I miss that part of nature from home.

Queen's Day

Definition from Wikipedia:
"Koninginnedag or Queen's Day is a national holiday in the Kingdom of the Netherlands. Celebrated on 30 April (the 29th if the 30th is a Sunday), Koninginnedag is Queen Beatrix's official birthday—she was born on 31 January; 30 April was the birthday of her mother and predecessor, Juliana. The holiday remains as an April observance in honour of Juliana and in the anticipation of better weather than would be encountered in January."


There is also the vrijmarkt which means free market.  It is really just a giant flea market/tag sale type thing.  I spent the weekend in Amsterdam and in Vondelpark is where all the children are for the vrijmarkt.  As we walked through there were kids singing, dancing, playing guitar, selling jewelry, popcorn, juice, painting nails, offering massages, etc.  Literally anything you could think of to sell, was being sold.  The kids were all so cute and the park was PACKED.  Everyone was dressed in orange, teenagers and older were drinking already at 9 am and some guys we saw were already very drunk.  We walked through the park for a bit and each of us ended up buying something.  My friend Kira bought some gimp key chain, I bought an orange winter hat for 2 euros, Jane bought some dog tail coat hangars for her wall (just so we could take a picture in a cut out face of the Queen) and then we bought juices, popcorn.  My favorite purchase of the day was 3 little water pistols filled with beer for 2 euros each!  Those provided endless entertainment.

Overview of museumplein!

After we passed through the park we made our way out to the streets.  All of the streets in Amsterdam were closed.  No busses, trams or cars could make their way through as the streets were just full of people all decked out in orange.  Everywhere you went there were djs, bands and music in the street.  All of the squares also had big festivals going on.  Museumplein was the biggest and we went there for a bit.  It was WAY too crowded for our liking so we ended up leaving after a bit and went to Rembrandtplein.  Even there it was super crowded, we couldn't figure out where the entrance was so we sat outside the closed off festival and listened from the outside while we sat for a bit.  


We spent most of the day wandering the streets and making friends wherever we went.  Everyone is loud, drunk and dancing in the streets.  It was a lot of fun!!  Eventually we decided food was necessary and of course with 8 of us at a restaurant we were the loudest ones.  The rest of the night we spent going from pub to pub and somehow 4 of us managed to last from 9 am (having only slept for 5 hours the night before) until 6 am again.  It was a really great weekend.  

Everyone looking really good.

Making friends wherever I go.  Obviously 2 Americans on the left. 

Vondelpark-vrijmarkt.  These girls were dressed like the Dutch flag and struck a different pose each time someone put money in their hat.

Tap dancing in Vondelpark.

lions, tigers and bears. oh my!

Well now it's been quite a long long time since I have updated.  I have a few posts saved up that I will finally get around to posting.

So since my last post there has been Queen's Day, I went home for 5 days and last weekend the Rapture that failed to occur.  But I don't feel like writing about any of those yet.  It's almost June and it seems the time is flying by.  In two short months my time as an au pair will come to an end.  It's bittersweet almost.  After going home for five days in the beginning of May, I found myself really happy to come back.  I saw Caroline when I got back and realized I really had missed the kids while I was gone!! It's strange to think that when they go on their holiday in July I won't see them for a few weeks and then I'll be gone before they get back.  (Although if things go as planned I won't be too far away!)  I am really looking forward to living on my own again and moving forward with my life and doing something that I want to do.  But I am going to miss being a part of the family and having the kids to hang around and make me laugh.  Even when I am incredibly frustrated and annoyed (like yesterday afternoon), I still can't help but feel so much love for the kids.  Caroline was driving me crazy but then I just looked at her and she gave me a goofy little smile and it was like I forgot why I was so annoyed.  I've always loved my campers but this is in a way that is totally different.  It feels more like the way a parent loves their kids because I have spent the past 9+ months living with and seeing them everyday.  I'll definitely be sad to go.

Other than thinking about the end of my time as an au pair (or at least for now???) I have been trying to figure out what to do next.  Going home is honestly the last thing I want to do.  It is like an absolute last resort (sorry guys haha) but I just can't imagine leaving here and moving back home to the same boring, monotonous routine.  Maybe it would be different if I moved to a city instead of back to Suffield but I really can't think of a city that I have a huge desire to move to in the States.  Plenty of places that I would like to visit but now that I have been here I am really adjusted to life here.  I really like the culture and openness of Dutch people.  I seem to have really come into my own here; I feel more independent and outgoing then ever.  Which is weird considering my Dad has always given me the hardest time about being shy.  I still feel shy when it comes to public speaking and the like, but I have absolutely no problem making friends wherever I go.  Dutch people also are way more blunt and honest, even if it means saying something negative.  Americans would never tell you how they felt if it meant hurting your feelings; as someone who brushes things off and doesn't really get offended/upset about things like that it seems to work for me.  You can say "hey your food tastes like shit" and just shrug it off. haha

So all I know is that I don't want to leave.  But now the problem is what can I do now?  I applied to two masters programs here but so far I didn't get into one of them.  It is probably for the best though because they are research focused and I have always doubted whether I really wanted to end up in research/academia.  I ended up applying to three masters programs in London as well and now I have an interview scheduled for June 3rd with one of the schools.  But for the same reason, I am debating if I even want to go to school there.  The programs are also research focused, London is an expensive city and so the cost of living is higher, as well is the cost of tuition.  I just feel like I don't have enough experience or qualifications for a job without getting another degree, but maybe that is the American in me talking.  Things seem to work much differently over here.  I also started to apply to jobs in Rotterdam/Amsterdam area.  There are quite a few that are English speaking jobs but a great deal also require more fluency in Dutch than I have.  In the end, I think I want to get a job and see how that goes and then maybe when I have more of an idea what I want to do then I can go back to school for a higher degree.  I think I need to just stay here and rent a room while looking for work, it's easier to find a job when I am here and settled rather than scrambling looking for a job without having a place to live or having to do this from home in August.  Honestly, part of me is even considering moving into a place straight after I'm done as an au pair and not going home.  Then I don't have to worry about moving my stuff home or being out of the country and not finding a job by September.

In the end, I am stressed out, confused and I feel out of control.  I don't know what I want to do, just what I don't want and I guess that should count for something.  Anyone want to hire me or just give me a lot of money?!

A little orange taste of things to come...